Across the table, a discouraged dad recounted failure after failure. His sons needed correction; they balked at his response. He got upset, and they rebelled. On and on in a downward spiral - for years.
Finally, I just said, “Where are your sons today?”
He launched into a story of how they grew up, disconnected from him, and stopped all communication. He hadn’t talked to them in years.
“They don’t want to talk to me,” he said. "But, I have been texting them sermons, scriptures, articles on repentance, sayings to hopefully wake them up."
“Fathering comes down to one basic thing,” I said, “showing up, for them, not for you - and doing that in love. Love always gives ... and forgives."
“Be a dad regardless of what the kids do. Text them back and just say, "I love you, I'm proud of you. Or, I know you're a good dad. Or, I'm praying huge blessings on your life and family."
He objected, unconvinced. He said, "They should come back to me and repent for their attitudes." Finally, we walked to the parking lot. At his car, I grabbed his shoulders and prayed with him to have courage to forgive his sons.
New life always starts with forgiveness.
It was months before I saw him again. He hit me on the shoulder.
“They talked to me!” he said with a big grin. “My sons and I are talking a lot. In fact, last month I went to a grandchild's birthday party ... the first one I've been at in ten years. It was amazing.”
I said, "What happened?"
"I began to text them like you said. Telling them I loved them. I stopped preaching at them. Just told them I was proud to be their dad." The power of forgiveness. The heart of a father turning ... in love and forgiveness and generosity.
He said, "My sons began to talk about it. They looked at each other one day and said, "What's up with Dad? You think he's in a cult?" One day the youngest son asked me to coffee. We talked and talked, then hugged, and God began to heal our hearts. After that, it just began to accelerate until just months later, the hurts and pains of a decade began to dissolve."
Being a dad is about showing up with a spirit of love, about being first to forgive, about generosity of heart. The true dad is the one who doesn’t bail when everyone else bails. Not every dad can be the greatest. But we can be there ... and we can be generous with love.
This Father’s Day, show up. If you’re in person, hug somebody. If you’re apart, call. If your kid is in prison, drive there. If all the prison allows you to do is to sit in the waiting area, sit there a while. Your child will still know you’re there.
Why does it matter? Because a loving father shows up.
Your father in heaven did ... love forgave, and we have new life.
